Yup, Still Mad

As the season has now been open for quite a few weeks, I find myself in the woods more often. I want to get my deer before rifle season opens (which is the 15th for those who do not know). Friday night was my last night really to hunt. I was tired, cold, frustrated, and anything else that could be applied to being crabby. Sitting in the woods in the quiet where nobody can bother is the best way to calm me down. This has to be my favorite part about hunting. Peace and quiet.

The wind was blowing right in my face. I was annoyed with the freezing wind (supposedly coming from the south which is supposed to be warm!!!). I got in the stand all by myself. I didn't get lost, I didn't fall out of the tree as I had to climb it more then I usually do. I even remembered everything! This is very unusual, since Benjamin does everything for me, but since he was gone, I was on my own. This was exciting in a way. I didn't even have to hear him breathing done my neck. It was total peace and quiet. Until that stupid blue jay, then a crow, then a squirrel, then a rabbit started running and talking about the woods. I just wanted to yell at them and tell them to "shut up". I don't think they would understand me even if I did yell, but the felling of actually yelling would have been good for me.

After sitting for two hours, I was ready to leave. I do NOT have that much patience. Then here comes this stupid deer. Yes, I was excited for just a minute, until it decided to stop behind a pine tree and not move an inch for roughly twenty minutes. This deer, to me, was idiotic. I wanted it to come out, just so I could kill the dumb thing because it could stand still for twenty minutes. Once it came out behind the tree, I still was not able to make out if it was a spike or a doe. It was roughly 5:41 p.m. (I had received a phone call from my brother while the deer was behind the tree, so I knew what time it roughly was.) The moon was covered by promising snow clouds that were moving in, so it was getting pretty dark out. I decided, "well, I might as well attempt. Then I will be able to leave the stand earlier and get to the warm truck." That was the dumbest idea I have ever had. I shot the deer (which again is dumb deer, since it didn't hear my stomach growling every time I breathed in and out). I am still not familiar with what is a good shot or not, but I decided well at least I know I hit it. I called up Benjamin who then told me I had to stay in the tree for a while longer. I was mad. Actually, mad does not do what I was feeling justice. I wanted to be warm; I wanted to leave.

After he finally said I could leave, I dug in my pockets for my trusty flashlight. I now know not to trust batteries. It worked before I went in, but not after. I had to climb down the tree and walk to the truck in total darkness. I thought I was mad before. Nope. Now I am even more cranked.

To make this insanely long story short. I gut shot the deer. Horrible shot. Couldn't find the deer, even after looking for over 3 hours!!! I found eagles and ravens hanging out near my stand, but was still not able to find this dumb, idiotic, probably dead deer. Yup, I am still mad.

Chapter DON'T TALK TO ME!!! (exception, unless it doesn't have to deal with hunting)

A Mother to Start and A Flower Girl to Follow

I know I don't want to wish my life away, but there are some things, some days that I just wish were here. Being a mother is one of them. Many of my friends are pregnant or have at least 1 child already. It is times like these, when I just want it to be here. Where do I fit? The easy answer to that is nowhere. (In this town anyway.)

Like I said, all of my friends have children OR they are still in high school. There is only one that fits the same bill as I do. If you are reading this, you know who you are. You and me are the only ones chica.

Sorry for the bunny trail. =)

Not only do most of my friends have children, but today, my boss' daughter was running a fever. She said she felt fine (which is the miraculous part of chiropractic care!), but she felt lazy. She just wanted to be held and watch a movie. She was down at the office ever since I picked her up from preschool. The mother instincts kicked in when she wanted to be held. I held her for awhile when there was no patients in the office.

When I had to leave, she says to me "You are just like a mom, Heidi." I ask her why she thought that. She replies to me in this very tiny voice as she is trying to stuffle a yawn, "You know lots of things just like moms." Again, intrigued at what she was getting at I asked what things I knew that qualified me to be mom-like. With eyes wide open and almost in a sarcastic voice says, "You knowed I wanted chicken noodle soup. You knowed I wanted a blanket. You knowed me. You knowed how to get the movie started. You knowed to turn the lights down once the movie started. And you knowed when to check on me to see if my water was all gone!!" I had to hide a little chuckle. She was so cute and innocent. It is this exact moment when a tear started forming in my eye and I said to myself, "Is it my turn?" She looked at my with a very confused look on her face. (If you know Nadia at all, you know the exact face I am talking about.) Then asks, "Your turn to be on the couch with a blanket?" Tears are now trickling done my cheeks, but I started to laugh at her confusion. Of course I didn't expect her to understand what I meant when I said that, but ...
I then proceeded to explain to her, that I wanted to get married just like her mom and dad and have a little girl just like her. Her eyes were about to pop out of her sockets. "YOU WANT A GIRL LIKE ME NAMED NADIA!?!?" "I will probably not name her Nadia, but I do want a cute little girl like you." Her face was that of a porcelein doll. "Just like me, but what will her name be?" I told her when the time comes, I'll figure it out. "And I get to help?!" I told her maybe. Her mind totally switched gears, then she asked me, "Do I get to wear a pretty dress?" This time, it was my turn to be confused. I asked her, "A pretty dress to what?" "Well," she said "I want to wear a pretty dress just like I did for Abby." "Who is Abby?" She goes on to explain to me who Abby is then goes, "I wore a beautful dress as a flower girl with Abby."

Now I know this was lots of narration, but to capture Nadia's mind, you have to include everything. I just love her.

When ever I do get married, as long as Nadia is still Nadia, she will have to be my flower girl.

CHAPTER 2
SOMEDAY WILL COME ... EVENTUALLY

Summer is Definitely Over

From the beginning of September, I have been able to finally have a life. Usually I am sad, or even disappointed, when summer is over, but this summer's end brought a special surprise. A REAL JOB! I have been working with some very wonderful people, and I really enjoy the company of each of the patients. As the days go on, I get to know each one of them a little bit more, and I start to realize what the town is really about. Togetherness. I have found that I definitely love the small town feel of our town. Sometimes, it is unbelievable what information everyone knows about everybody. Sometimes it is good, and sometimes it is just rotten gossip.

As I continue to work, I continue to fall in love with this town. I am sure I want to live near here for the rest of my life. Which brings me to what I really have been doing today. Even though it might be years away, I am ready (and planning) for that day that will eventually come. That day where I finally get to be united with the one that God has chosen for me. That day where I finally get to be pampered. That day where a select few of my friends and family get to come and see me and see him share vows and show our love for each other and our love for God.

I have dreaming for that day to come. It might not be this year, or the next, but eventually, some day.

This is the beginning of my posts, and the beginning of the next chapter of my life. I am going to name this chapter

PLANS THAT MAY NEVER COME INTO PLAY